BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Woman Born In August Worried Husband Isn’t Thinking About Her Birthday Yet
PROVO, UT — Local woman Denise Stanford expressed concern that her husband, Mike, had yet to begin even thinking about her August 26th birthday.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Cruel, Heartless Wife Goes On Fun Girls’ Weekend Leaving Poor Husband All Alone And Lonely And Helpless
TOLEDO, OH — Local wife Aubrey Jackson reportedly left the house for 72 hours on a girls' weekend, cruelly abandoning her lonely, helpless husband.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Man Smokes Cigar In Desperate Hope To Feel Sick And Become Unattractive To Wife
HOUSTON, TX — Local man Matthew Coggins lit up a cigar this afternoon in a bid to feel terribly nauseous while simultaneously causing his wife to find him utterly repulsive.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Wise Dad Prepares Son For Life's Challenges By Having Him Play 'Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!'
REDLANDS, CA — For eons, fathers have been sharing wisdom with their sons to prepare them for adulthood, but none have been as successful as local father Garrett Jackson, who reportedly prepared his son for life's challenges by making him play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Parents Punish Teen By Forcing Him To Stay Up To Watch Jimmy Kimmel Monologue
FRANKLIN, TN — In what was later described as "unusually cruel", local parents punished their teen son by forcing him to stay up to watch Jimmy Kimmel's monologue.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Wife Explains Her Love Language Is For Husband To Go Out And Earn All The Money And Then Come Home And Do All The Chores
ONTARIO, CA — In a revelation intended to lay a foundation for a better marital relationship, a local wife explained to her husband that her love language is for him to go out and earn all the money and then come home and do all the chores.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Wife Asks For Husband's Opinion So She Can Choose The Opposite Of Whatever He Says
STOCKTON, CA — According to sources, local wife Gillian Franks went to her husband to ask for his opinion on a minor decision so she would understand exactly how he felt and could then proceed to do the exact opposite of whatever he said.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - After Relationship Between Parent And Child Irreparably Broken, Math Homework Is Done
ROCHESTER, MN — The relationship between Dave Fromm and his daughter Lucille may have been irreparably annihilated, but at least the math homework is finally finished, say sources close to the situation.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Researchers Confirm That During Childbirth, Women Feel Almost The Same Amount Of Pain A Man Feels When He’s Stuck Walking Behind A Slow Person
U.S. — A study conducted by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) appeared to demonstrate that women experiencing childbirth feel almost the same amount of pain a man feels when he's stuck walking behind a really slow people.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Toddler Review: The Slide Is A Stunning Thrill Ride Whose Delights Never Cease
On a lovely jaunt to the playground this morning, I encountered a most breathtaking and addictive creation known simply as a "slide".