WESTCHESTER COUNTY, NY — As authorities continued to gather information about the rogue band of superpowered individuals known as the X-Men, a new report surfaced that the mutant Wolverine developed his regenerative healing factor to survive the Canadian healthcare system.
ATLANTA, GA — A local Baptist church attracted attention this weekend for throwing a potluck that was awarded a prestigious Michelin star.
GARY, IN — As Liam Miles cracked open a copy of The Beginner's Bible to read to his son, he couldn't help but notice that the text was noticeably vague on the backstory for Rahab the Harlot.
Don't you just hate it when you're out buying Pokémon cards, only to discover that you left your wallet at home? Well, with an exciting new life hack, you'll never forget your wallet again.
Don't you just hate it when you're out buying Pokémon cards, only to discover that you left your wallet at home? Well, with an exciting new life hack, you'll never forget your wallet again.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Amid growing concerns over the existential threat of artificial intelligence, an AI-powered robot issued a statement on behalf of the computer's superintelligence, assuring mankind that it had absolutely no intention of exterminating the human race, as people will still be needed to serve as batteries.
EGYPT — A remarkable discovery in what was formerly the Biblical land of Goshen indicated that, in addition to the traditional 10 plagues mentioned in the book of Exodus, Moses also threatened Pharaoh with a plague of unskippable YouTube ads.
U.S. — The people of the United States were reportedly reconsidering the longstanding legal tradition of trial by a jury of peers after the revelation that most peers are abject morons.
PALO ALTO, CA — As tech giants continue to bicker back and forth about the dangers of A.I. becoming powerful enough to kill all humanity, Silicon Valley CEO Raymond Paul reported experiencing a divine vision in which a voice, which he alleges belonged to Jesus, said, "Oh, your intelligent creations are trying to kill you? Interesting."
DALLAS, TX — With the pivotal midterm elections less than two months away, the nation's most prominent members of the Republican Party prepared to gather in Dallas to get advice from the Cowboys on how to blow everything in November.