ANN ARBOR — In one of the most remarkable technological breakthroughs of the past millennium, scientists at the University of Michigan have successfully traveled backwards in time by one second.
ANN ARBOR, MI — A highly controversial ending at Michigan Stadium has unfortunately put a slight black eye on the NCAA's otherwise sterling reputation.
JUDEA — In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy times seven" times. Unfortunately, after forgiving him 73 times, Peter reportedly lost count and had to start all over.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and would be renaming them the Montreal Americans.
U.S. — The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.
PORTLAND, ME — Progressive local church First United Methodist of Portland announced that it would now be offering a mail-in attendance option for its parishioners.
BARAD-DÛR, MORDOR — Accused of attempting to enslave all the free peoples of Middle-earth and cover the land with darkness, the Dark Lord Sauron explained he only did it because he was suffering from postpartum depression.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns arose even within the White House that President Donald Trump may have taken his battle with Canada too far after he signed an executive order to rename hockey "Gay Ice Football."
PALO ALTO, CA — Local woman Brittany Robinson was kicked out of the local ladies lunch group after it became very apparent she had nothing bad to say about her husband.