ONTARIO, CA — Local man Nathan Williams reportedly told his wife he'd be happy to hear more about their house being on fire just as soon as a helicopter finished passing by.
ANAHEIM, CA — The Los Angeles area of Anaheim breathed a collective sigh of relief today after authorities finally arrested owner Arte Moreno for his gross negligence of the Los Angeles Angels baseball team.
CHINO, CA — A local introvert was reportedly unable to correct a waiter at his favorite restaurant when, after ordering a side of mashed potatoes, he instead received a concrete cinder block.
THE UNDERWORLD — The Grim Reaper was reportedly seen preparing to use his "Wheel of Death" to see which person to visit next.
The Book of James tells us to count it all joy when we face trials, but it's not so easy when faced with the worst the world has to throw at you. Gird your loins, dear reader — here are the stories of the 12 American Christians who faced the most terrible tribulations of all:
Get a load of this complete IDIOT who spent the ENTIRE WEEK walking around with his loins completely ungirded. Have you ever seen such a dope?! Come on, man.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising over an ongoing trade dispute, President Donald Trump threatened to send in the military to seize control of Canada's maple syrup supply.
NEW YORK, NY — Over the weekend, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner shared a little insight into how he was able to maintain some semblance of control over his transformation into the Incredible Hulk by confirming a deep, personal secret: he's always angry at the Jews.
People may think Ohio has nothing to offer, but they're wrong. It's still part of America, and that makes it one of the 50 best places in the world to live.