BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Local Dad Clearly Using His Kids As Excuse To Ride Go-Karts
FORT WORTH, TX — Bystanders at Andretti Karting reported that local dad Mark Hamilton was clearly just using his children as an excuse to ride go-karts.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort
ROME, GA — After a long holiday weekend, local man Kevin Simpson returned to his office at River City Bank this morning, refreshed and ready to give a mediocre effort.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Toddler Puts Self Up For Adoption After Seeing Mom Scrolling Lindsay Clancy TikTok
DANBURY, CT — According to sources, a toddler has reportedly put herself up for adoption after witnessing his mother scrolling through Lindsay Clancy TikTok.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Worm Girl Asks Worm Boyfriend If He'd Still Love Her If She Were A Human
BENTONVILLE, AR — Local girl worm Shelly caught her boyfriend Brad completely off guard when she asked if he would still love her if she was a human.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Man Will Continue Listening To Wife's Story About House Being On Fire Just As Soon As This Helicopter Passes
ONTARIO, CA — Local man Nathan Williams reportedly told his wife he'd be happy to hear more about their house being on fire just as soon as a helicopter finished passing by.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - In Honor Of Dolly Parton, Man To Attempt To Work All The Way From 9 To 5
SPRINGFIELD, IL — As news of the passing of beloved music legend Dolly Parton reverberated across America, tributes began pouring in from all over the country, including a touching memorial from a local man who said he would honor her by attempting to work all the way from 9 to 5.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - Father Puts Kids Up For Adoption After They Say 'UHF' Isn't Funny
PEORIA, IL — County officials said they would not stand in the way after local man Christopher P. Smith putting his children up for adoption after they told him the 1989 "Weird" Al Yankovic film UHF wasn't funny.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - 10 Reasons To Move To Ohio
People may think Ohio has nothing to offer, but they're wrong. It's still part of America, and that makes it one of the 50 best places in the world to live.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - 12 Clear Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore
Relationships are hard work — especially for women. That's because if there's anything men love more than trucks, jackhammers, and sport games, it's dropping subtle clues about how they feel instead of just talking to you. You know I'm right, ladies! Mmmmhmmm.
BABYLONBEE (Babylon Bee) - 'No, Sweetie, You Can't Get Any More Lego Sets Until You Build The Ones You Already Have,' Woman Reminds 39-Year-Old Husband
MADISON, WI — Local wife Tamara Dotson gently informed her husband this week that he couldn't have any more Lego sets until he finished building the ones he had.