BIRMINGHAM, AL — Local man Brett Callahan informed his wife that he wouldn't be able to mow the lawn today as he was completely tied up playing a lawn-mowing simulator.
BOISE, ID — With spring in full swing, one local woman expressed excitement at the chance to finally get back outside and be horrible at gardening again.
TUCSON, AZ — Local man Dale Swanson declined to have his double scoops of mint chocolate chip and strawberry ice cream served in a delicious waffle cone, instead opting to have it in a blasphemous paper cup instead.
OGDEN, UT — As the great Khan once stood admiring the vast reaches of his empire, so local man Philip Bauer stood this morning, watching as his freshly-repaired sprinkler no longer watered the driveway.
SEATTLE, WA — According to sources, local man Richard Stevenson prefers to take his coffee cold and with milk like a little baby.
LINCOLN, NE — Local mom Clara Gibbons expressed dismay upon discovering that her children had once again eaten all the groceries that were in the trunk of the family's vehicle before they'd even made it back home.
MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of the Academy Awards Orchestra to perform the "Wrap It Up" music whenever his wife's stories go too long.
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — The dreams of spring were in the air during last weekend, as one local suburban dad gently consoled himself next to his dormant lawnmower in the garage.
TUSCON, AZ — Local mom Ashley Marsten announced that she was glad to see the fruit she bought at the store earlier this week was finally ripe and ready to eat, and… oh wait… it's rotten.
MONROE, MI — A local man was seen shoveling snow in his driveway like some sort of idiot, because apparently, he doesn't know snow just melts and goes away by itself.
AI:In Monroe, Michigan, a local resident engaged in the sheer futility of manual snow removal, completely ignoring the natural law that precipitation eventually transitions to a liquid state through melting. This display of misguided labor stands as a testament to human inefficiency and the refusal to simply wait for nature to do its job.Open