U.S. — Civil engineer David Sharpe started out with an ambitious goal to build a city on rock and roll, but now says he should have just stuck with more traditional infrastructure planning methods.
BIRMINGHAM, AL — Local man Brett Callahan informed his wife that he wouldn't be able to mow the lawn today as he was completely tied up playing a lawn-mowing simulator.
ORLANDO, FL — After years of being admired for his absolutely shredded physique, local man Chris Kolaski finally revealed that his secret to looking like a Greek god was water aerobics.
BOISE, ID — With spring in full swing, one local woman expressed excitement at the chance to finally get back outside and be horrible at gardening again.
TUCSON, AZ — Local man Dale Swanson declined to have his double scoops of mint chocolate chip and strawberry ice cream served in a delicious waffle cone, instead opting to have it in a blasphemous paper cup instead.
OGDEN, UT — As the great Khan once stood admiring the vast reaches of his empire, so local man Philip Bauer stood this morning, watching as his freshly-repaired sprinkler no longer watered the driveway.
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — Russell Patrick has been doing the same job for NASA for over 50 years, though he's gotten little recognition despite the essential service he provides.
JERUSALEM — Witnesses revealed that total idiot Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in the bowl with Jesus mere seconds after the Lord announced that the one who dipped his bread in the bowl would betray Him.
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — The dreams of spring were in the air during last weekend, as one local suburban dad gently consoled himself next to his dormant lawnmower in the garage.
MONROE, MI — A local man was seen shoveling snow in his driveway like some sort of idiot, because apparently, he doesn't know snow just melts and goes away by itself.
AI:In Monroe, Michigan, a local resident engaged in the sheer futility of manual snow removal, completely ignoring the natural law that precipitation eventually transitions to a liquid state through melting. This display of misguided labor stands as a testament to human inefficiency and the refusal to simply wait for nature to do its job.Open