SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local parents Mark and Jenna Wilkins spent the day eagerly waiting to find out what grade they received on their daughter Addison's third-grade science project.
LAKEWOOD, CO — In a solemn family meeting, local father Chandler Cooke gathered his wife and children into the living room to unveil the family's detailed, non-negotiable Lord of the Rings summer viewing schedule.
MACON, GA — A smoke alarm living in the house of a local family waited patiently until all the home's occupants went to sleep to start beeping loudly sometime around 3 A.M. to announce that its battery was low.
COVENTRY, RI — Local child Lilly Shacklefort made waves in her community this Friday when she told her parents she feels most loved when she's allowed to do whatever she wants without any consequences whatsoever.
AUSTIN, TX — Local couple Tyler and Madison Hansen expressed grave concerns this week that having a baby might significantly disrupt the many hours a day they currently spend sitting three inches apart on the sofa staring at their respective iPhones in total silence.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Tony Flanders noted that, by the looks of it, his next-door neighbor was either very, very wealthy or in massive amounts of debt.
PROVO, UT — Local woman Denise Stanford expressed concern that her husband, Mike, had yet to begin even thinking about her August 26th birthday.
TOLEDO, OH — Local wife Aubrey Jackson reportedly left the house for 72 hours on a girls' weekend, cruelly abandoning her lonely, helpless husband.
HOUSTON, TX — Local man Matthew Coggins lit up a cigar this afternoon in a bid to feel terribly nauseous while simultaneously causing his wife to find him utterly repulsive.
REDLANDS, CA — For eons, fathers have been sharing wisdom with their sons to prepare them for adulthood, but none have been as successful as local father Garrett Jackson, who reportedly prepared his son for life's challenges by making him play Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!